Ashley Merryman: Parenting Elementary School Kids

Brookwood School 4 to 14 Speaker Series Presents  Nurture Shock co-author Ashley

Brookwood School proudly welcomes award-winning journalist and author Ashley Merryman of NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, as the first speaker in 2012-2013 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids.  This is an event that every parent should attend to learn how successful parents and educators are helping their children find success in school and in life.

The Tuesday, October 9th lecture, which begins at 7 p.m. is open to the public, and tickets are $10. Click to purchase: Ashley Merryman.

In NurtureShock, Merryman and co-author Po Bronson, challenge modern, involved parenting’s most closely held beliefs and practices. At Brookwood, Merryman will discuss the many topics covered in Nurture Shock including:

  • The “inverse power” of praise. Why “giving kids the label of ‘smart’ does not prevent them from underperforming - It might actually be causing it”.
  • “Why our instincts about children can be so off the mark”
  • “Why Kids Lie” or why modern involved parenting “has failed to produce a generation of angels”
  • “The Sibling Effect – Why siblings really fight.”

According to the authors, praising children – for good grades, for a “good try,” for almost making that goal, for in fact nearly everything they do during an average day – is a pretty much a natural reflex for today’s attentive, concerned parents.  Most of us would agree that’s a good thing. 

Yet in light of the scientific studies Merryman and Bronson cite, it becomes clear those constant offerings of praise can actually undermine children’s adjustment and development. Merryman and Po Bronson explore cutting-edge child development and education research and argue “that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas.”

Through relatable anecdotes and stories and razor-sharp analysis, they show that “many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring – because key twists in the science have been overlooked.”

Bronson and Merryman's New York Magazine article from which NurtureShock grew (How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The inverse power of praise, February 2007) won the magazine journalism award from the American Association for the Advancement of Science, as well as the Clarion Award from the Association for Women in Communications. Their articles for Time Magazine won the award for outstanding journalism from the Council on Contemporary Families. 

After the publication of NutureShock, the two authored a column on Newsweek.com for several years and also covered the science of child development for Newsweek, New York, TIME and The Guardian. Merryman's work has additionally appeared in the Washington Post and The National Catholic Reporter and she has been a commentator on many national television and radio shows seen. Prior to her writing career, Merryman was a practicing litigation attorney and a speechwriter in the Clinton Administration.

Merryman lives in Los Angeles, where she has directed a small all-volunteer tutoring program for inner-city kids for 10 years. She earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts from the University of Southern California's School of Cinematic Arts, a J.D. from the Georgetown University's Law Center, and a Certificate in Irish Studies from Queen's University, Belfast, Northern Ireland.

The lecture begins at 7 p.m. and tickets are $10, $15 for the two-event series. Click to purchase: Ashley Merryman.

Tickets for the October 9 event are available at brookwood.edu and cost $10, $15 for the two event series.  

The second speaker for the 2012-2013 series is Dr. Brene Brown who will speak on the Power of Imperfect Parenting on April 8, 2013 at Brookwood School. Nationally known as a TED Talk all-star (her TEDxHouston talk on the power of vulnerability has over view five million views. Brown is a graduate school professor at the University of Houston and author and researcher on courage, vulnerability and shame. She has authored four books including the just released Daring Greatly as well as the best-seller The Gifts of Imperfection.

Buy tickets today for this rare opportunity to learn from one of our country’s most trusted parenting authorities on the subjects of children, parenting, and families. The event is open to the public, and area parents are invited and encouraged to attend. Purchase tickets online today.

Peterman's Post: News and Views from the Head of School
(September, 2012) Encouraging Children to be Responsible for their Own Successes -- Are we the "angel on our children's shoulder" when we offer them unconditional praise for their innate abilities?  Or are we unknowingly encouraging them to take the path of least resistance in school and in life and therefore mitigating their chances for success and happiness?  That is the question answered by Ashley Merryman in her best-selling book NurtureShock.   I encourage parents to come hear Ms. Merryman first-hand when she speaks to our community on October 9 as the first presenter in this year's 4 to 14 Speaker Series: Parenting Elementary School Kids.

As a parent, I know all too well the number of times I told my children that they were "smart" enough to know better, be better, do better.  The compliment was sincere and heartfelt and often came without provocation.  It seemed like the right thing to say, and if I said it enough, then my children would just come to understand that they indeed were smart and capable of handling anything thrown their way.  But the latest research is explaining why that may have not been such a great idea.  In their  2009 book, NurtureShock, Ashley Merryman and co-author Po Bronson compile extensive research to show the ways in which general praise for children can have unintended consequences.

At Brookwood, we believe that it is important to provide strategies for children to experience and overcome challenges.  We believe that persistence and resilience are the essential ingredients for success and happiness in school and in life.  Merryman tells us that when children are given general praise for being smart, it does not translate into building fearless confidence.  In fact, when children hear they are smart they will eventually turn away from things that do not come easily to them or bring them immediate success.  "Why spoil the image?"  Merryman explains, "The presumption is that if a child believes she is smart, she won't be intimidated by academic challenges.  The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder.

However, research shows that giving the label of smart does not prevent her from underperforming.  It may actually be causing it."  Some children may just give up if they feel as though they cannot not live up to the praise they have been given.  Other children may begin to act out when pushing "the praise button" no longer provides them with the amount of sustenance they desire.  Because they have not figured out how to self-motivate, they may turn to other means, such as cheating or tearing down the opposition in order to maintain their star image.

By working in partnership with our teachers, we hope that parents will explore the many ways in which we can encourage children to take responsibility for their own success in school and in life.  Attending parent/teacher education events like the 4 to 14 Speaker Series program on October 9 is another way for us to share a common understanding of the latest child development research.

Located on the Beverly-Manchester line just minutes from Route 128, Brookwood is a co-ed day school for students in grades Pre-K through 8. The address is One Brookwood Road, Manchester, MA.

Photo By: 
When: 
Tuesday, October 9, 2012 at 7 p.m.
Location: 
Prices: 
General Admission tickets are $10
Phone: 
978-526-4500
Shore School in Beverly Massachusetts offers a host of Summer programs for kids aged 5-12

Babson Farm Quarry Self-guided Walking Tour at Halibut Point

Kids will enjoy this tour of the Halibut Point State Park and Quarry with a focus on its stone-cutting history!
Take a self guided tour at one of Massachusetts most beautiful locations!
7:00 am to 6:00 pm

Saugus Iron Works Park Grounds & Estuary Walk

Take a hike along the Saugus River Estuary ande explore the Saugus Iron Works Park grounds in Massachusetts
Learn about the natural world in Saugus while ecploring the park ground ast the Saugus Iron Works National Historic Site in Massachusetts.
7:00 am to 7:00 pm

Flying Horse Outdoor Sculpture Exhibit at Pingree School

Pingree School in Hmailton Massachusetts hosts their annual Flying Horse Outdoor Sculpture exhibit each Fall. Sculpture: Phoenix by Robin Tost.
Pingree School hosts the 16th annual Flying Horse Outdoor Sculpture Exhibit on their campus in South Hamilton, Massachusetts .
8:00 am to 6:00 pm

Salem Witch Hunt Walking Tour

Learn about the true reality of the Salem Massachusetts Witch Trials Salem Massachusetts on a self guided walking tour with Essex Heritage
This self-guided walking tour is designed to help explain the true history behind the Salem Witch Trials. After more than three centuries of storytelling through countless books, movies, and television shows, the line between historical fact and dramatic fiction has become increasingly blurred....
9:00 am to 5:00 pm

Crescent Farm Corn Maze

Crescent Farm corn maze in Haverhill Massachusetts
Imagine the biggest puzzle you’ve ever seen. Now imagine a day in the sunshine with your friends or family. Now add an adventure that takes teamwork and memory skills. All these things and more can be found at Crescent Farms Corn Maze. Crescent Farm Corn Maze trails cut into 9 acres of corn. Inside...
9:00 am to 9:00 pm

Haunted Happenings Marketplace

The Haunted Happenings Marketplace runs Thursdays-Sundays during October in Salem Massachusetts
The Haunted Happenings Merchant Marketplace is coming this October! Get ready for a one-of-a-kind shopping extravaganza throughout Historic (and some say haunted) Downtown Salem!
10:00 am to 6:00 pm

Saugus Iron Works House Tours

Free Ranger guided tours of the Saugus Iron Works House in Massachusetts
Join National Park staff at Saugus Iron Works National Historic Site for a 30-minute tour of The Iron Works House.
11:00 am

Saugus Iron Works Tours

Free Ranger guided tours at Saugus Iron Works Colonial Industrial Site in Massachusetts
Join the National Park staff at Saugus Iron Works National Historic Site for a tour of the colonial industrial site. On select days, you may be able to stick around and witness pop-up molten iron pour, blacksmithing, waterwheel demonstrations, and take part in hands-on river stewardship activities.
2:00 pm

Salem Farmers' Market

The Salem Farmer's Market bring the goodness of local farm to downtown Salem!
The Salem Farmers' Market brings fresh local produce and other foods from North Shore farms and other local resources to downtown Salem every Thursday at  Bentley Academy Charter School!
3:00 pm to 7:00 pm

Friday, October 3

Saugus Iron Works Park Grounds & Estuary Walk

Take a hike along the Saugus River Estuary ande explore the Saugus Iron Works Park grounds in Massachusetts
Learn about the natural world in Saugus while ecploring the park ground ast the Saugus Iron Works National Historic Site in Massachusetts.
7:00 am to 7:00 pm

Babson Farm Quarry Self-guided Walking Tour at Halibut Point

Kids will enjoy this tour of the Halibut Point State Park and Quarry with a focus on its stone-cutting history!
Take a self guided tour at one of Massachusetts most beautiful locations!
7:00 am to 6:00 pm

Flying Horse Outdoor Sculpture Exhibit at Pingree School

Pingree School in Hmailton Massachusetts hosts their annual Flying Horse Outdoor Sculpture exhibit each Fall. Sculpture: Phoenix by Robin Tost.
Pingree School hosts the 16th annual Flying Horse Outdoor Sculpture Exhibit on their campus in South Hamilton, Massachusetts .
8:00 am to 6:00 pm

Salem Witch Hunt Walking Tour

Learn about the true reality of the Salem Massachusetts Witch Trials Salem Massachusetts on a self guided walking tour with Essex Heritage
This self-guided walking tour is designed to help explain the true history behind the Salem Witch Trials. After more than three centuries of storytelling through countless books, movies, and television shows, the line between historical fact and dramatic fiction has become increasingly blurred....
9:00 am to 5:00 pm

Crescent Farm Corn Maze

Crescent Farm corn maze in Haverhill Massachusetts
Imagine the biggest puzzle you’ve ever seen. Now imagine a day in the sunshine with your friends or family. Now add an adventure that takes teamwork and memory skills. All these things and more can be found at Crescent Farms Corn Maze. Crescent Farm Corn Maze trails cut into 9 acres of corn. Inside...
9:00 am to 9:00 pm

Haunted Happenings Marketplace

The Haunted Happenings Marketplace runs Thursdays-Sundays during October in Salem Massachusetts
The Haunted Happenings Merchant Marketplace is coming this October! Get ready for a one-of-a-kind shopping extravaganza throughout Historic (and some say haunted) Downtown Salem!
10:00 am to 6:00 pm

Saugus Iron Works House Tours

Free Ranger guided tours of the Saugus Iron Works House in Massachusetts
Join National Park staff at Saugus Iron Works National Historic Site for a 30-minute tour of The Iron Works House.
11:00 am

Saugus Iron Works Tours

Free Ranger guided tours at Saugus Iron Works Colonial Industrial Site in Massachusetts
Join the National Park staff at Saugus Iron Works National Historic Site for a tour of the colonial industrial site. On select days, you may be able to stick around and witness pop-up molten iron pour, blacksmithing, waterwheel demonstrations, and take part in hands-on river stewardship activities.
2:00 pm

Topsfield Fair - Opening Day

Topsfield Fair opens the gates at 1pm Friday! Topsfield Fair is one of the longe
The Topsfield Fair is a perennial favorite for us.  We're not the biggest fans of the midway, although it is always worth a walkthrough and a ride or two.  We love fruits and vegetables, and are always on the lookout for the winning 'biggest pumpkin'.  Another favorite is checking out the pigs and...
4:00 pm to 10:00 pm

Halloween on the Hill

The Trustees host a celebration of Autumn and Halloween at Long Hill Sedgewick Gardens in Beverly Massachusetts
The Trustees of Reservations invite you to tour the gardens at Long Hill Gardens in Beverly, Massachusetts to celebrate Autumn and Halloween! Long Hill is excited to bring back our annual Halloween on the Hill event! Come explore our beautiful property as we transform the Long Hill gardens into a...
5:00 pm to 8:30 pm